sweetfrenchtoast

Most of the time, when I post something to my blog, I am doing a brain dump…writing for me, to capture my thoughts and feelings and the stuff that’s going on in my life. Sometimes, my prevailing mood at the time I hit “save” sets the tone for my post, whether it’s good or bad. Lately, I’ve had a lot of ups and downs, but I’ve been more apt to write when I’m down. Isn’t that kind of the way it works sometimes? So what ends up happening I guess is I focus on a lot of bad stuff, and downplay the good stuff. It’s not intentional—I swear it’s not—and often, what comes off as Sabrina about to slit her wrists is really just Sabrina being kinda down about things. It’s not unusual for me to be feeling better about things in a few hours, or the next day, but I guess I don’t write about that stuff as often. I should try to do that.

But I guess my point is that if I do that, I am doing it for me. I have had to defend my blog twice in less than a week to two of the most beloved people in my life. I don’t like feeling like I can’t write whatever is on my mind because I might hurt someone’s feelings, or someone might get upset with me. I guess I’m just asking you, gentle reader, to take this for what it is. It’s an online journal of a girl who is trying to find her way through this craziness called life. Sometimes I get stuck in my head and it all comes out here. Sometimes I am wandering around in my heart and that might show up here. But no matter what I spit out, it’s all honest. I may be in a mixed up state when I write something that is questionable, but I am being honest to myself at the time.

For a moment, I considered writing this post to tell you all that I have decided to take a hiatus from blogging. I don’t want this blog to add to the existing challenges in my life.

I have enough right now, thank you.

But that wouldn’t be fair to me. So I’m just asking you to read this, take it to heart, and really try to take a step back and think about what I’m writing in context, okay?

Everybody has ups and downs. Sometimes we’re more up than down, and sometimes it’s the other way around. I’m just a person. I’m trying. Sometimes that might not come across the right way.

If I’ve written something that makes you feel less than great, I’m sorry. If reading something I have written has brought you down, I’m sorry. And those apologies are sincere.

If you feel like my blog is way too negative and depressing for your taste, then please don’t read it.

I need this to be for me.

Thank you.